Thursday, March 28, 2024

Arsenal Star Officially Crowned ‘Hottest’ Premier League Player In Survey

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.       Olivier Giroud officially hottest player in the Premier League*
.       Divorcees love Danny Ings the most
.       Single women prefer Liverpool players
.       Burnley take top spot for overall team appeal
.       And the prize for taking 300th place goes to Sadio Mané

(London, 11th February)  Roses are red, violets are blue, who’s the real beauty of the Premier League? Well, it’s got to be Giroud.

He’s slick, suave and has more strings to his footballing bow than a 100 piece orchestra.  What more could Olivier Giroudpossibly want in life? Well, the honour of being crowned the hottest player in the Premier League should you ask.

With the stench of Valentine’s day just around the corner Paddy Power have conducted *scientific* research to uncover football’s beauty and beasts with today’s publication of the Premier League Hot or Not list.

Conducted by 250 American women, the survey rated 300 Premier League footballers purely on their physical attractiveness.  Whilst Olivier Giroud screeched into top spot, Sunderland’s Santiago was rated number two ahead of Leicester’s Matty James in third.

Suprisingly, Southampton’s pretty boy Graziano Pellè didn’t cut the American mustard coming in at a lonely 43 between Stoke’s Thomas Sorensen and Swansea’s Gylfi Sigurdsson.

Giroud officially accepted his award from team mates Mathieu Debuchy and David Ospina who presented the Frenchman with the ‘Hot or Not’ Golden Mirror.  To see the full video click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RhreBgoHls&feature=youtu.be

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Sadly, with winners come losers. Joleon Lescott, Gerhard Tremmell and Sadio Mané, finished 298th, 299th and 300th respectively, whilst the biggest loser of the lot was Southampton’s Sadio Mané, the poor lad.

What does the league table look like when ordered by aesthetic appeal?  Well it’s good news for Burnley who come out on top and whilst this might not save them from relegation it’s at least one beautiful victory for the Clarets this season.

One thing the survey did clarify is that one man certainly doesn’t make a team, with Giroud‘s Arsenal slipping down into third behind Liverpool on overall team performance. More concerning is Newcastle, who need to take a serious look in the mirror if they want to be scoring on and off the field with the Toon Army down and out at the bottom of the League of Lookers.

Due to transfers and the fact they may in fact be too handsome, we’ll probably never see this team take to the field in reality, but here’s what the most handsome XI look like:

GK  Ben Foster
DF  Santiago Vergini
DF  Jason Shackell
DF  Erik Pieters
DF  Paul Konchesky
MF  Jesus Navas
MF  Morgan Schneiderlin
MF  Nacer Chadli
MF  Matty James
SR  Charlie Austin
SR  Olivier Giroud

And the Least Attractive Dream Team. Well, not so much ‘dream’, more ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ team:
GK  Gerhard Tremmel
DF  Richie De Laet
DF  James Collins
DF  Joleon Lescott
DF  Aly Cissokho
MF  Angel Di Maria
MF  Cheick Tiote
MF  Stephen Quinn
MF  Sadio Mane
SR  Mario Balotelli
SR  Marouane Chamakh

And finally here are a few of the very best of the research finds.
.       18-21 year olds love Tom Huddlestone, but don’t like the look of Tim Krul
.       Over 60s dislike Marouanne Chamakh
.       Divorcees love Danny Ings
.       Single women prefer Liverpool players
.       Widowers hate Aly Cissokho, and Aston Villa players generally
.       Women with the lowest education levels fancy Paul Konchesky
.       Those at with the highest levels of education prefer Arsenal players
.       Redheads liked Paul Konchesky, but not the Hull squad
.       Women who didn’t care about their weight fancied Alexis Sanchez
.       Those wanting to gain weight liked the look of the Chelsea squad

A spokesperson from Burnley FC said, “I’m sure the lads will all be flattered when they hear the news.”

Paddy Power said “One of the things that makes the Premier League the most exciting league in the world is the talent on show. I’m glad my personal favourite Morgan Schneiderlin made the most handsome 11. He looks like the late Stephen Gately of Boyzone and like all Irishmen, I’m a great fan of Boyzone.”

To see the full 1-300 breakdown of Paddy’s Hot or Not visit the Paddy Power blog: http://blog.paddypower.com/

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