Let’s get this right to start with – I’ve got nothing against gay people. Some of my best friends were gay. Well, they’re still gay, but I haven’t been friends with them since I found out. What you do in the safety of your own home is up to you… unless you’re having sex with another man. In that case, it’s up to me. Don’t do it. How am I supposed to spend quality time with my girlfriend* when you guys are rolling around with each other on a bed somewhere in Hackney? Gay people are so selfish!
Now that you know my views on the gay community, I’m sure you won’t be surprised by how angry I was to find out Arsenal are supporting the LGBT community with their rainbow laces campaign.
This is an outrage! Football is a game for (heterosexual) men. Heck, sport is a ‘game’ for (heterosexual) men – (heterosexual) men like Joey Barton, Mike Tyson and Tom Daley. I thought Arsenal was better than this. I thought my beloved club stood for equality and respecting the views of fans. How can Arsenal claim to respect the beliefs of its fans when it isn’t respecting my decision to not respect the sexual orientation of its fans/players? It’s a complete joke.
Think of all the problems we’d face if we allowed gay people to play football. I could write you a list of one hundred logical reasons as to why they shouldn’t be allowed to take part in the sport. In fact, I’m going to do just that:
They might not be good at it… Erm, something to do with fancying other men? They’ll probably be distracted by the other players for some reason. Maybe they’re allergic to grass? Is being ‘gay’ legal? NOTE TO EDITOR: You got any ideas?
- The Bible!
- The other Bibles!
There are just two of the reasons. The rest are obvious, so I won’t bother typing them all out.
You might think that I’ve not really explained why gay people don’t belong in football. Well, that’s because it’s a complex issue. I certainly have the intellectual capacity to explore the complicated and scientific reasons as to why homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to kick a ball around for 90 minutes, but I’m not sure many of you do. Rest assured though, I can guarantee you that there is a reason. There is a reason! There is a reason…
Is there a reason?
Are you sick and tired of idiots like this? Use #RainbowLaces to show your support and help kick homophobia out of football. Find out more at: